come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
