I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize