I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
