You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
