Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
