I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
