You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Damn victory sex feels great
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
