it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
