I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
