this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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