I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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