his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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