Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
