the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
