Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
