They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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