We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
