My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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