oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
In America we eat man semen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
