Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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