At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
