the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
