Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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