Need sex. Gaining weight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize