I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
