ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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