Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
