smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
