just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
