so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
