Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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