I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
