i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
