the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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