..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
