i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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