i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
