I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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