just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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