I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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