Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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