I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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