I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
