And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
