Screwed.edu
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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