the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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