I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
