i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
