I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
