Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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