i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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