why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
