My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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