definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
