Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
