Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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