Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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