dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
