I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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