If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
