you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
