I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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