We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
