is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
