Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
pray to the hookup gods
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
