I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
