I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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