She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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