your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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