They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
