Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I touched a dick in church today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
