Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
