Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
