careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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