just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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