you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
