She is in my trunk
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
