I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do herpes really smell.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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