I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
